


Friend, Please

by toooldtotrickortreat



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: (kinda), Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Depression, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicidal Thoughts, Multi, Post-Squip, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Scars, Self-Harm (unintentional), Song fic, but can be if you want, kind of, not boyf riends, rich has a lisp but i'm not writing it, squip squad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-31
Updated: 2018-07-01
Packaged: 2019-05-14 20:58:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,589
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14777126
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/toooldtotrickortreat/pseuds/toooldtotrickortreat
Summary: It's been two months since the Squip incident. Jeremy's life is so much better, and yet so much worse...





	1. Chapter 1

╔ ————————————————————————————————— ╗

 _I feel for you but when did you believe you were alone?_  
_You say that spiders crawled inside and made themselves a home_  
_Where light once was_

╚ ————————————————————————————————— ╝

 

Two months. It had been two months since the SQUIP incident (or Squipcident - dammit Rich). Two months since the absolute shitstorm that was the school Play (always capitalised) but somehow Jeremy seemed to have benefited from the whole fiasco? He had more friends now, and since those friends just so happened to be his past bullies now he wasn’t being insulted on a daily basis.

Things had been rocky between him and Michael to start off, but they had slowly managed to patch up their relationship. The lingering tension never left though; Michael still looked at him with a lasting look of hurt and betrayal in his eyes, and Jeremy was constantly scared that Michael would be taken away from him again.

It seemed like both of them were astounded that their duo became a group of eight. Jeremy suspected that perhaps he would be friends with Rich due to shared experiences and Christine since they dated (past tense - they realised they worked much better as friends), but not the other four. Surprisingly, they all turned out to be pretty great people and Jeremy had a hard time connecting them to the kids he was tormented by only a few months prior. Michael seemed much less willing to let it go but he was at least civil.

It was their lunch period and the Squad (as the ever on-trend Jake had endearingly dubbed the group) were sitting at their usual table. Chloe and Jenna were having a heated conversation over Madeline's latest stint as Brooke listened intently, Rich and Jake were discussing who knows what and Christine had yet to arrive. Michael had his headphones on even though he wasn't playing anything - he had once told Jeremy that he did it so that he could listen to people's conversations without being expected to contribute - so Jeremy just ate his food and tried to keep track of everything his friends were doing. Standard procedure for the group.

Until it happened.

**_Jeremy._ **

Jeremy froze at the sound of that all-too-familiar voice. No. No way was this happening. He looked around, trying to find someone who could have called his name but it didn't seem like anyone had.

**_Sit up straight_.**

Instinctively, he did. The base of his spine tingled threateningly and he moved his hands to sit in his lap, suppressing the urge to fidget knowing that all it would earn him were more marks to add to the collection. More reminders.

**_You think you're cool enough to sit around them? Pathetic._ **

_Shut up._

He wasn't sure why he thought responding to it was at all the best thing to do, but it didn't make anything better. In fact, it just made things worse.

_**Really? Shut up? That's the best you got? No wonder you were so eager to do as I instructed. You have no hope on your own. Hopeless. Pitiful.** _

Jeremy felt his chest tighten and he straightened his back even more. He accidentally bumped Michael in the process, who looked at him and was about to go back to whatever game he was playing on his phone but did a double take. He pulled his headphones down and opened his mouth to speak but was interrupted before he could say anything.

"Hey, guys!" Christine greeted, sitting down on the spare seat next to Jeremy. She plonked a massive stack of papers onto the table and a few began to fly off. Michael caught one and so did Jeremy, except with his face.

_**Seriously? You don't even need me to tell you how pathetic that was.** _

_It was pathetic._

"Sorry!" Christine apologised, taking the papers back and replacing them on top of the pile. "Mr Reyes needs me to staple these for rehearsal on Friday and I thought I'd do it now. So what're you all talking about?"

The other six resumed their conversations but Jeremy still sat ramrod straight and was breathing a little too heavily. Michael watched him with concern for a second, then stood up. He put his backpack on, grabbed Jeremy's then pulled Jeremy up by the arm and dragged him out, Jeremy stumbling as he tried to get his feet to work but not resisting. They both ignored Rich's call to 'use protection'.

They soon reached a bathroom towards the end of the school that was usually empty, and thankfully they remained that way. Michael pulled Jeremy inside and held onto him by his shoulders. "Breathe, Jer," he told him quietly. Since it wasn't full blown panic or anything, Jeremy calmed down pretty quickly. "Do you need anything?" Michael asked, squeezing his arms slightly.

Jeremy needed a lot of things. He needed a new, less self-deprecating brain, for the Squip to be  _gone_ , to understand how on earth people tolerated him enough to stay around him? "...Red," he finally mumbled.

Michael hesitated. "What?"

"Mountain Dew Red," Jeremy clarified quietly, his face darkening. For several seconds Michael didn't move. When he continued to remain frozen, Jeremy looked up at him. "What?" he snapped.

"...Why do you need it?" he whispered. "What's happening?"

 _ **He can't handle a few memories.**_ Jeremy could nearly feel it's presence behind him.  _ **I gave him what he wanted and he fixated on the bumps that got him there. These things don't come without cost, Jeremy.**_

Jeremy visibly flinched at the venomous tone it used when saying his name. Michael's eyebrows furrowed but there was nothing in his expression other than concern. "Red first," Jeremy finally answered. "Then we'll talk."

"Okay," Michael nodded. He stood still for a couple of seconds, then sprang straight into action. "Okay," he repeated. "You're lucky I always carry some around."

 _ **What a good friend**_ **,** it cooed from behind him. Jeremy was too scared to move in case it suddenly appeared in front of him.  _ **Too bad you left him.**_

_You made me leave him._

**_What difference does it make?_** it asked.  _ **You abandoned him, and he'll never trust you again. Not fully. Nothing you can do will ever fix that.**_

"I know," he said aloud. Michael looked up at him, startled.

"What?" he asked.

"I know," Jeremy muttered again as he stared at his shoes, not aware of Michael's presence at all. Everything was tuned out; it was just him and the Squip. "Nothing I do will ever fix it."

"Fix what?" Michael questioned, rushing forward with the drink in one hand. "Jeremy, please drink this. You might want to sit down first, though."

"I abandoned him," Jeremy continued to say, his tone growing slightly more frantic. "He'll never trust me again. I can never fix it. I don't deserve to fix it." It hit Michael what was going on and he knew he would have to be more forceful. He grabbed Jeremy's wrist and pulled him down to sit on the kind of gross bathroom floor and shoved the drink in his hand. Jeremy's mumbling stopped and he stared at the bottle.

"Drink it," Michael urged. "Please." Jeremy's eyes flickered up to him and  _god_ it nearly broke him. His pale blue eyes, usually so full of light all of a sudden dark in every way except the literal. Inhaling deeply, Jeremy unscrewed the bottle, letting the  _fizz_ sound die out before drinking a mouthful. He continued to chug it until half the bottle was gone. Quickly, he screwed the bottle shut again and handed it back to Michael. It took a few incredibly tense seconds before it started. A sharp zap at the base of his skull, then his brain exploded.

Michael prayed to whatever deities he could think of that no one was close enough to hear Jeremy's scream. He pulled his best friend into his lap to stop his flailing and prevent him from accidentally hitting his skull against the tile. It lasted approximately 30 seconds - only half a minute, nothing in the grand scheme of things but an eternity to Michael at the time - before Jeremy stopped yelling and he fell against Michael's chest. He hadn't passed out this time but that didn't seem like it was going to be a great improvement overall. Sweat dripped from underneath his hairline and his eyes drooped, rolling in the sockets.

"It's okay Jer," Michael mumbled soothingly, running his hand through Jeremy's hair despite it being kind of gross from the sweat. "It's okay." The bell went off and Jeremy winced - his senses were probably a bit out of whack - but Michael just continued to run his hand across his head and he settled down again.

"You'll be okay Jer," Michael reassured him. But looking at his friend now, and remembering how he had been at the table during lunch, he honestly wasn't so sure. They sat there for a few minutes, Jeremy panting and Michael attempting to comfort him through it when Michael realised that Jeremy was talking.

"What was that?" he asked, leaning his head down closer to Jeremy's mouth so he could hear.

"I-It won't go...go away," he stuttered. Michael felt himself freeze. Jeremy didn't stutter anymore, only if he was upset or not thinking fully. This time it might have been a combination of the two. "Just make it sh-shut up. It won't s-stop."

 _Oh Jer,_ Michael thought, hugging his friend slightly tighter as he raked his brain for ideas of what to do.


	2. Chapter 2

╔ ———————————————————————————— ╗

 _Petrified of who you are and who you have become  
_ _You will hide from everyone denying you need someone  
_ _To exterminate your bones_

╚ ———————————————————————————— ╝

 

Michael took them straight home after Jeremy was coherent enough to stand - not walk, that would take too long and someone could walk into the bathroom by then. He half-dragged, half-carried Jeremy's dead weight to the Cruiser and deposited him in the passenger seat, quickly buckling him in and slamming the door before rushing around to his own side. He started the car and perhaps broke a few speed limits to get them back to the comforts of the Mell basement.

Michael's parents were thankfully not home, so he didn't have to worry about being quiet. Slinging Jeremy's arm over his own shoulders, he guided his friend down the stairs. It nearly looked like they were going to make it without fault, but Jeremy's shoe caught on one of the steps about halfway down and they were both sent tumbling.

"Shit!" Michael yelled. He instinctively wrapped his arms around Jeremy's torso as they fell. Michael landed flat on his back with a grunt and Jeremy on top of him. Michael groaned, not moving as his heart came down from the adrenaline rush.

Jeremy squirmed on top of him slightly, and Michael realised he hadn't released his hold yet. He let go but Jeremy didn't roll. He just lay there, noodle limbs askew and resting his head on Michael's chest as he breathed. Michael was content to leave him there if it wasn't for the cold, hard concrete he was lying on.

"Hey Jer?" he mumbled. "Mind if we move somewhere not made of rock? My head's killing me."

"Oh," Jeremy replied, seeming to finally take stock of where he was. "Yeah." He rolled off so he was lying next to Michael, still panting. "Sorry."

"All good," Michael shrugged. With a groan, he stood up and rubbed his back, trying to stretch it out to relieve the dull ache. Jeremy muttered something under his breath, and while Michael didn't catch all of it he was pretty sure he picked up on 'old man'.

"Hey!" he chastised, nudging Jeremy's shoulder with his foot. The other boy chuckled and Michael grinned. "So are you gonna, like, get up or something? Can't be too comfy down there." With what sounded suspiciously like a whine, Jeremy lifted his arm up in Michael's general direction.

Michael grinned again. "Are you seriously suggesting I drag you?" he asked. "Jeremy you know I am weak." Jeremy didn't move and Michael couldn't help but go along with it. Thankfully the floor was pretty smooth - and Jeremy was incredibly light - so he was able to pull him across the floor. He left him in front of his own blue beanbag while he himself plopped into his red one. They were predesignated at this point.

"So..." Michael coughed, scratching the back of his head uncomfortably. "You wanna talk about this now or later?"

"Talk about what?" Jeremy feigned innocence. Michael frowned.

"You know what," he stated firmly, hitching the beanbag so he could face Jeremy with his whole body. "I can't pretend that didn't happen. I just wanna help you, man."

"I'm fine," he shrugged. "Just tired."

 _Just tired my ass_ , Michael thought bitterly.

"Seriously!" Jeremy insisted as though he read Michael's thoughts. "Drinking that stuff takes a lot out of you."

"No, it takes a lot out of  _you_ ," Michael countered. "I just don't know why you would've needed it unless _it_  came back." That's when it settled in because  _why didn't I realise before? It was pretty fucking obvious_. "Jer you didn't like...reactivate did you?"

"W-What?!" he spluttered. " _No_. Why the hell would I do that?" He didn't immediately deny the Squip's return, and that was all the confirmation he needed.

"Christ, Jeremy," Michael sighed, rubbing his forehead. "How is it back?"

He just shrugged, staring ahead apathetically and speaking void of emotion. "Dunno. Rich reckons mine must've been defective or something. It's supposed to help the beholder or some crap. Mine tried to make a hive-mind making me  _think_ it was trying to help me."

Michael shifted uncomfortably. "Are you, like, okay?"  _Okay? Really? Of course he's fucking not._ "Or like, not bad?"

"Sure Mike, I'm 'not bad'," Jeremy chuckled, making quotation marks with his fingers. "I better get going though. Dad'll be wondering where I am." Michael opened his mouth to argue but Jeremy had already gotten up. He swayed dangerously for a moment before righting himself and going up the stairs to leave. "I'll see you tomorrow, Michael."

He left before Michael could reply.

 _It's back?? How could it_ possibly  _be back?_ It was a lot to take in. What if Jeremy started acting weird again? What if he ditched him again-

_Stop. You're being selfish. This is about Jeremy, not your goddamn codependency._

Michael rubbed his hands across his face and reached over to play some Marley through his speakers. He really needed to calm down and figure out what the  _hell_ to do now. 

* * *

Jeremy practically ran once he was out the Mells' front door. Granted he only lived a couple blocks away, but he was still a sweaty mess by the time he got home. With shaking hands he unlocked the door using the spare key they kept outside and rushed in, slamming it shut behind him. He breathed heavily, a combination of the exercise and  ~~more than~~ slight panic, and paced back and forth down his hallway.

Leaving because of his dad was a total lie - Mr Heere wouldn't be back for several hours. Jeremy just couldn't be there with Michael, breathing in the atmosphere of Michael's pity and his own self-wallowing because  _you're such a wimp, Jeremy. Overreacting about a voice in your head that, by the way, got you everything you wanted? So what you got hurt along the way? You didn't_ seriously  _expect it to be painless, did you?_

Jeremy whimpered - fucking  _whimpered_ \- and sunk to the floor. Turns out leaving was a mistake. Now he was home alone in the silence and the silence was  _deafening_.

There had always been whispers of self-deprecation in his head, just another part of his 'minor' social anxiety and hyperawareness. The Squip had just solidified it all. The problem was, the Squip had been  _real_. Its voice and his own thoughts had gotten muddled along the way and suddenly he didn't know what was his and what was coming from the nano-computer.

So he just sat there, in a ball, letting the voices echo because what was he supposed to do?

Slowly he came back to himself. He stared down at the long red patch on the back of his hand with lines of white across the centre which he swore hadn't been there before. Tear tracks ran down his face which he wiped away angrily.  _Get a grip_.

Was that the Squip or himself? It all sounded the same.

He ran his fingers lightly over the back of his neck where he knew white lines were. Thankfully his naturally pale complexion made them a bit more subtle and his hair was long enough to cover them for the worst part. The real problem was his back, where they were painfully obvious over his freckles and acne-ridden shoulders.

"It's fine," he whispered to himself, not trusting himself to think it in case one of the voices tried to manipulate his words. "Nothing's wrong. You're fine."


	3. Chapter 3

╔ ————————————————————————— ╗

 _Would you let me know your plans tonight  
_ _'Cause I just won't let go 'til we both see the light_

╚ ————————————————————————— ╝

 

Jeremy didn't go to school the next day, or for the rest of the week. He stayed in his bed for the most part, barely eating and only getting up for the occasional bathroom break. Every time his phone went off with a new text message or missed call it was a drill through his brain.

The first day he had feigned a stomach bug. It hadn't been hard to fool his dad - he looked terrible and his stomach did actually feel like crap, but that was because of what was going on inside his head. When Jeremy failed to come downstairs the second day, Mr Heere didn't push it. Now, on the fourth day, he wanted to ask but didn't know how. He continued to leave food for Jeremy which went uneaten, although he would come home each night to find a protein bar or packet of chips missing from the cupboard. He tried to be there for his son but after so long of not being a proper dad, he didn't know how to be one anymore.

Jeremy didn't want his dad to try and fix him. That would just take time out of his life that Jeremy wholeheartedly believed he didn't deserve. That's why he ignored the texts.

Until Saturday afternoon, when there was a knock on the door.

Jeremy tensed at the sudden sound - there had been nothing but white noise and the occasional shuffling of his dad downstairs since he woke up. He listened as his dad opened the door and spoke with whoever was there, then a pause and suddenly feet were jogging up the stairs two at a time and it most definitely wasn't his father.

Michael.

Jeremy hid fully under the covers wrapping himself around his pillow right as Michael opened the door slowly. He listened as Michael kicked off his shoes and sat down at the edge of the bed, doing nothing except sit there and make his presence known.

Jeremy just wanted him to leave.

"Your dad said you've been sick," Michael finally said, sighing. "Stomach bug or something. But you would've replied to mine or the others' texts if that was it. I didn't tell anyone about Tuesday, but I have a feeling that what happened is what this is about." Jeremy didn't respond, but he curled tighter around the pillow and buried his face into it.

"You know you can talk to me, right Jer?" Michael asked, and Jeremy listened as he turned around a bit and hitched his leg onto the end of the bed to be sitting sideways. "You've always been there for me and I'll always be there for you. Life's a two-player game, remember?"

 _But you haven't always been there, have you?_ his mind asked. Jeremy squeezed his eyes shut.  _You left him without a second thought._ Jeremy considered coming out from under the covers before realising he wasn't wearing a shirt. He felt sick as he somehow curled tighter. He couldn't come out. Michael couldn't see the scars. He just couldn't.

Michael sighed. "Did you even check your phone?" he asked. "Is it even on?" As if on cue, another text message notification sounded, answering Michael's question for him. Michael paused for a few seconds before continuing. "We're your friends, Jer. They're worried. I'm worried. Your dad looked totally freaked when I got here."

 _My fault_ , Jeremy thought, this time knowing it was his voice.  _I'm causing them problems. I don't deserve that._

**_No, you don't._ **

Jeremy wasn't even surprised that the Squip decided to make an appearance. He had come to the conclusion that it wasn't actually there. He'd become too reliant on the Squip so his brain filled the empty void. Perhaps the Squip, though lying dormant, still had an ounce of control? But it wouldn't have happened if Jeremy didn't need it so damn much.

"I just wanna be here for you," Michael said, his voice becoming more desperate. "You're allowed to not be okay but you're also allowed to get help and be better until you need help again. You're my best friend, Jeremy, I  _want_ to help you."

"Why?" Jeremy asked weakly from under his fortress, only just loud enough for Michael to hear, albeit with some difficulty.

" _Why_?" Michael repeated incredulously. "Dude, we've been best friends since kindergarten! We've gotten each other through everything and even with some rough patches, we've come out on top! I would've never gotten this far without you, man. Call it codependency I don't fucking care. I need you, Jeremy. I need you in my life because you make everything so much better."

" _How_?" Jeremy responded, his voice rising. He sat up and wrapped his blanket around his shoulders so that only from his chin up was visible. Michael's face seemed to fall when he actually saw Jeremy. He probably looked pathetic. "How can you say that when I hurt you? I left you for months and you still call me your friend?"

"Of course I do!" Michael protested. "Our relationship isn't perfect. It never has been because that's how relationships work.  _No one_ has a perfect relationship in any sense. It's physically impossible. I've upset you and you've upset me ever since we met but we forgive each other. And I'm doing that now, especially because this time it wasn't your fault."

Jeremy snapped up at that. "Not my fault?" he whispered. "How is this not my fault?"

"You said it yourself," Michael shrugged, his voice lowering again. "Rich reckons yours was defective. You left a lot out of that point, by the way."

"You talked to him?" he asked softly.

"I'm not the only one who saw that you were off, Jer," he said softly, shifting a bit closer. "Rich was the only one who really figured it out, I guess since he can relate more than anyone. Apparently from what you told him yours was way more aggressive. It didn't even take what you wanted into account? That's not what's supposed to happen."

Jeremy huffed a humourless laugh. "Great. I managed to end up with the fucking defect. Just my luck."

"No one's blaming you," Michael insisted. "None of our friends think the Play was your fault. They all got a taste of what it was. I don't blame you for Halloween or anything, even if the Squip wasn't on. It was still affecting you. It  _is_ still affecting you."

"I paid for it, Michael," Jeremy mumbled. "I paid 400  _fucking_ dollars and drank that Mountain Dew which, I can now never drink again. I don't deserve _anything_ after what I did. The least I can do is try to make up for it but even then I'm failing miserably. Just fucking moping for a week making everyone worried about me when they shouldn't even care."

Michael stared, his eyes shining even behind the lenses of his glasses. "C-can I touch you?" he asked, lifting a hand but hesitating. It took several seconds too long for Jeremy to give him a stiff nod. Michael wouldn't have even needed to ask before everything happened. Now here they were.

After receiving that confirmation, Michael surged forward and wrapped his arms around Jeremy and his blanket. Jeremy sagged into the hug and rested his head in the crook of Michael's neck. Too weak to do anything else.

"I'm here," Michael mumbled, so quiet Jeremy nearly had to strain to hear him. "I'll always be here. We're gonna get through this. You and me against the world. Two-player game. It's way more fun that way. I'm not leaving you, Jer."

Jeremy didn't realise he was crying until then, becoming suddenly aware of how he was dampening Michael's skin. Embarrassed, he began to sit up but Michael brought his hand up and stopped him, stroking his fingers through Jeremy's hair. Jeremy leaned into it almost subconsciously.

"I know," he whispered, barely audible to himself. "I know you aren't." But Michael seemed to hear it because his torso bounced slightly as he chuckled and just brought Jeremy closer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pre cliche as far as bmc fics go but i love hurt/comfort and theres a reason theyre cliche which is because they're good and we love 'em. two more chapters to go famalam i might actually finish a multi-chapter fic for once wow it would be a first


	4. Chapter 4

╔ ——————————————————— ╗

 _And I have nothing else left to say  
_ _But I will listen to you all day, yes I will_

╚ ——————————————————— ╝

 

Once Jeremy had stopped crying, Michael went downstairs to grab him a glass of water. He frowned at the uneaten meals on Jeremy's desk and took them with him wordlessly, probably so that he could clean the plates.

**_You don't deserve him. He's too good for you._ **

_I know_. Jeremy felt pretty much resigned to listen to it at this point.

_**You just take up everyone's time. Why are you such a burden?** _

Jeremy didn't respond.

_**Why don't you just off yourself? Don't make them deal with you.** _

"Jer?" a voice asked from the door. Jeremy looked up to see Michael standing there, holding two water bottles and a packet of Sour Patch Kids. Jeremy didn't speak as Michael moved over slowly, choosing instead to accepting one of the water bottles wordlessly and hugging his blanket closer around his shoulders.

"I can see you sweating from here, Jer," Michael said softly. "Do you want to take it off?" Jeremy shook his head, curling in further, although now aware of the fact that he was warm and a bit sweaty.

"I'm not wearing a shirt," Jeremy mumbled, looking down.

"Do you want me to go get you one?" Michael asked.

_**Are you serious, Jeremy? You have been best friends for what, 12, 13 years? You've been shirtless around him before.** _

_It's different now._

**_How is that? Because you blocked him out of your life? Or because of the scars? What is it, Jeremy? Huh? What is it?_ **

Jeremy couldn't deal with it anymore. He rubbed a hand over his eyes which were starting to well up again but didn't bring it back down.

"What's happening, Jer?" Michael asked him softly. "You can tell me. You know that, right?"

"I-I know," he whispered. "It just...it keeps...w-why won't it stop? M-Mike, why won't it  _s-s-stop_?"

Michael didn't have to ask what Jeremy was talking about. "Do you want me to get you a shirt? Or do you want to stay like that? It's your choice, bud."

 _Your choice_. It rung through his head. Ever since getting the Squip he had never had the choice.

_**That's because every choice you make is wrong, Jeremy. Why would I give you control if you're just going to screw everything up?** _

Jeremy had to do this. Give himself a sense of control again.

"I-I need to show you something, Mike," he said quietly. "Just...don't freak out? Please?"

"Sure, Jer, of course, but why-" Michael cut himself off when Jeremy spun so his back was to Michael and slowly lowered the blanket he had over his shoulders. Branches of white crossed over Jeremy's already pale back, obscuring the freckles and acne on his shoulders. It all spread from a mottled clump on the small of his back and ran over his skin like lightning. It reached the base of his neck and Michael could see that some of the edges wrapped around to the front of his torso across his ribs.

"J-Jeremy..." Michael stuttered but didn't continue. Jeremy, who had remained silent, turned around again and rested his hands uselessly in his lap. The same white scars stemmed from his wrists and down his forearms and the bottom of his palms. That explained Jeremy's insistence on wearing long sleeves.

"I-I know, Mike," Jeremy said softly, tears falling readily now, but this time, Michael was crying with him. "That thing was...it was horrible, Michael. It broke me."

Michael nodded. Wordlessly, he opened his arms. Jeremy practically dove into him, curling up against Michael's chest and hugging his knees into his frail chest. Michael hugged him silently as Jeremy sobbed, his own silent tears running down his face and dripping onto Jeremy's messy head of hair. Either Jeremy didn't feel it, or just wasn't mentioning it.

Even after Jeremy was finishing crying, neither of them moved. Michael used his socked foot to pull over the packet of Sour Patch Kids and opened it, placing it in Jeremy's lap before wrapping his arms around his friend again. Jeremy gave a wet laugh and slowly began to eat, occasionally offering one to Michael as well.

Jeremy finally pulled away once the packet was empty. He looked down at his torso, still bare, and wrapped his arms around himself protectively. Michael instantly unzipped his hoodie and offered it to him. When Jeremy didn't move, only staring hesitantly, Michael put it on the boy himself. It practically swallowed Jeremy whole, the cuffs of the sleeves coming well past his fingertips and the bottom basically halfway down his thighs. Even if Jeremy was technically taller, he was still a twig.

"I'm gonna have to go to school on Monday," Jeremy said. It was unclear whether it was a question or a statement.

"Yeah," Michael nodded.

"Everyone's gonna ask where I've been."

"Yeah."

"Whaddo I tell them?"

"Whatever you want," Michael shrugged. "You told your dad you had a stomach bug? Stick to that. I think only Rich will know otherwise." Jeremy nodded slowly. He was a lot calmer now, and the voices in his head were silent. It was...weird. But not bad. The silence wasn't deafening.

Not with Michael here.

"It's getting late," Michael noted vaguely, but he didn't make a move to stand up. "You want me to sleep over?"

"Please," Jeremy replied, almost too quickly. Michael quirked a bit of a smile, then stood up. Jeremy stared at him with wide eyes, begging him not to leave, and Michael was quick to reassure him.

"I need to grab some stuff from home, but I promise I'll be back in less than ten minutes, alright?" Jeremy knew that to achieve that meant breaking some speed limits but he didn't argue. He nodded, then Michael left the room. Jeremy only realised when he heard Michael talking to his father and the front door closing that Michael had left his hoodie, which Jeremy was still wearing. He didn't have the energy to care.

Instead, he flopped back onto his messed-up bed and grabbed his phone from his nightstand. It had 100% battery having been on charge for several days, and more than 100 notifications.

 _Ah geez_.

It looked like a lot of them came from the group chat he and his friends had on Discord, but there were a significant amount of DM's and actual texts, along with 5 missed calls, all Michael (it was a common understanding not to call Jeremy unless a) it was an emergency or b) you were Michael or Mr Heere. He hated phone calls).

The group chat, as usual, was a lot of memes and over-exaggerated arguments, all of which stemmed from Rich or Chloe, sometimes both. However, he had been @'d a few times.

 

_**NEW MESSAGES** _

_**\---------- _ **\----------**_ _ **\----------**_** _

**Dick Goranthki**   _Last_ _Tuesday at 4:27 PM_  
  
**@HeereIAm** hey tallath where'd you go today headphoneth wath lotht without u

 **Valentine's Day**   _Last_ _Tuesday at 4:29 PM_

Rich you dont need to write your lisp jfc

 **Dick Goranthki**   _Last_ _Tuesday at 4:29 PM_

yeth i do how elthe would u know it'th me?

 **Valentine's Day**   _Last_ _Tuesday at 4:30 PM_

The horrific grammar perhaps?

 **Dick Goranthki**   _Last_ _Tuesday at 4:32 PM_

FIHGT ME BITCH

*I MEANT FIGHT

FUCK

 

That about summed up the group chat that day, completely forgetting about Rich's question about Jeremy's disappearance. It was the same on Wednesday except for no mention of Jeremy at all. That changed on Thursday though.

 

_**NEW MESSAGES** _

_**\---------- _ **\----------**_ _ **\----------**_** _

**Juliet Who?**   _Last_ _Thursday at 6:09 PM_

 **@HeereIAm** Hey Jeremy are you okay? You haven't been at school and we're all getting worried.

 **JakeyD**   _Last_ _Thursday at 6:16 PM_

yeh man usually your at least online hope your okay

 **Jenna Rolan**   _Last_ _Thursday at 6:17 PM_

*you're

 **JakeyD**   _Last_ _Thursday at 6:17 PM_

:o

 **Juliet Who?**   _Last_ _Thursday at 6:17 PM_

Were you just waiting for that to happen, Jenna?

 **Jenna Rolan**   _Last_ _Thursday at 6:18 PM_

Obviously.

But yeah **@HeereIAm** where are you? I can't find anything and Michael isn't saying anything either.

 **JakeyD**   _Last_ _Thursday at 6:20 PM_

i dont think he knows either

 **Jenna Rolan**   _Last_ _Thursday at 6:21 PM_

???

 **Juliet Who?**   _Last_ _Thursday at 6:21 PM_

What do you mean?

 **JakeyD**   _Last_ _Thursday at 6:21 PM_

he wouldnt look so upset if he knew

 

Something in Jeremy's gut twisted up at that. He hadn't thought about what his unexplained absence must have been like to Michael. He kept scrolling. There were a few unrelated messages later on from Thursday. Friday's chat had blown up.

 

_**NEW MESSAGES** _

_**\---------- _ **\----------**_ _ **\----------**_** _

**I'm Lohst**   _Yesterday_ _at 3:19 PM_

 **@Dick Goranthki** wHAT WAS THAT SHIT YOU PULLED IN GYM

 **Dick Goranthki** _Yesterday_ _at_ _4:29 PM_

JUSTICE

also how do you expect me to reply when i'm in detention

 **I'm Lohst** _Yesterday_ _at_ _4:29 PM_

HOW WAS PUNCHING DUSTIN KROPP JUSTICE???

 

Wait. What? Rich punched Justin? Jeremy thought they were friends.

 

_**NEW MESSAGES** _

_**\---------- _ **\----------**_ _ **\----------**_** _

**Dick Goranthki** _Yesterday_ _at_ _4:30 PM_

HE WAS PULLING SOME SHIT AND I WASN'T GONNA LET HIM GET AWAY WITH IT

HE FUCKING DESERVED IT

YOU WEREN'T THERE YOU WOULDN'T KNOW

FUCKING HELL BROOKE

DON'T ASK ME THAT

 **Valentine's Day** _Yesterday_ _at_ _4:31 PM_

Bitch

Back tf off

 **I'm Lohst** _Yesterday_ _at_ _4:31 PM_

...

 **JakeyD** _Yesterday_ _at_ _4:32 PM_

wait rich it was u who punched dustin??

 **Valentine's Day** _Yesterday_ _at_ _4:32 PM_

Jake

Not helping

Stop

 **Dick Goranthki** _Yesterday_ _at_ _4:32 PM_

leav him alone

hyppocrite

*leave

*hypocrite

wow i suck at this

 **Jenna Rolan** _Yesterday_ _at_ _4:33 PM_

Rich just tell them what happened.

 **JakeyD** _Yesterday_ _at_ _4:33 PM_

wait jenna do u know

 **Jenna Rolan** _Yesterday_ _at_ _4:33 PM_

Yeah but let Rich tell you.

It's his story anyway.

 **Dick Goranthki** _Yesterday_ _at_ _4:34 PM_

technically it's headphones' story but he's not online so yeah

 

What??? Jeremy was confused now. He scrolled through a series of messages before getting to the actual story.

 

_**NEW MESSAGES** _

_**\---------- _ **\----------**_ _ **\----------**_** _

**Dick Goranthki** _Yesterday_ _at_ _4:57 PM_

dustin was bugging headphones

he was all "where's your boyfriend" and shit

and headphones ignored him

so dustin was getting all up in his face

so i walked over

and told him to piss off

he started making fun of my height

bitch shouldnta done that

not a good idea

 **Juliet Who?** _Yesterday_ _at_ _4:59 PM_

Back on topic Rich.

 **Dick Goranthki** _Yesterday_ _at_ _5:00 PM_

oh yeah

so he started making fun of my height

i told him to stop being a dick

he went back on being a dick to michael

so

yeah

i punched him

 **JakeyD** _Yesterday_ _at_ _5:01 PM_

:OOOO

 **Valentine's Day** _Yesterday_ _at_ _5:01 PM_

Oh shit

 **I'm Lohst** _Yesterday_ _at_ _5:01 PM_

sorry about giving you shit for it rich

what a dick omgod

dustin not you

if that came across wrong

 **Dick Goranthki** _Yesterday_ _at_ _5:02 PM_

dw brookey its chill

 **I'm Lohst** _Yesterday_ _at_ _5:03 PM_

dont fukcin call me brookey or i'll fight u

 **Dick Goranthki** _Yesterday_ _at_ _5:03 PM_

not very threatening tbh

 **I'm Lohst** _Yesterday_ _at_ _5:04 PM_

fine

then

i'll set chloe on u

 **Dick Goranthki** _Yesterday_ _at_ _5:05 PM_

:O

u wouldn't

 **Valentine's Day** _Yesterday_ _at_ _5:05 PM_

yeah she will

run bitch

 **Dick Goranthki** _Yesterday_ _at_ _5:06 PM_

;;;;;;((((((

 **@JakeyD** babe protect me

 **JakeyD** _Yesterday_ _at_ _5:06 PM_

i would but

its chloe man

 **Valentine's Day** _Yesterday_ _at_ _5:06 PM_

:3

 **Dick Goranthki** _Yesterday_ _at_ _5:07 PM_

i feel betrayed

 

The rest of the chat was basically the same. The final message, from 2:29 am last night (or this morning, depending on how you looked at it), was from Brooke.

 

_**NEW MESSAGES** _

_**\---------- _ **\----------**_ _ **\----------**_** _

**I'm Lohst** _Today at_ _2:29 AM_

 **@HeereIAm**  where r u jer

 

The chat that day had been uncharacteristically silent, although everyone except for Michael was online (most were on Do Not Disturb and Jenna was Idle, but Christine had the green Online bubble because she liked knowing when things happened).

Now for the DM's...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> discord > skype don't @ me
> 
> also im pre sure their chat names are self explanatory lol
> 
> one more chapter left guys whoop
> 
> also this came out as longer than i wanted and a bit of a chat fic which i didn't mean but i think it's alright???? idk i have a massive assessment task due tomorrow that i still have shit to do for but nah im doing this ahahah ugh
> 
>  
> 
> EDIT 20/07/18: I JUST EDITED THIS TO BE MORE LIKE THE DISCORD FORMAT PLUS TYPOS AND IT WAS SO TEDIOUS OML


	5. Chapter 5

╔ ———————————————————————— ╗

 _Friend, please remove your hands from  
_ _Over your eyes for me  
_ _I know you want to leave but  
_ _Friend, please don't take your life away from me_

╚ ———————————————————————— ╝

 

Michael came back to the Heere house in record time, quickly going upstairs to find Jeremy scrolling through his phone. He had bundled himself up in the hoodie, and though he wasn't crying he still looked small and he was wearing a deep frown.

"Something wrong, Jer?" Michael asked, mentally slapping himself.  _Pretty sure all of this is because something is 'wrong', Michael_. Jeremy looked up, his eyebrows furrowed.

"Rich punched Dustin?" Jeremy said, less of a question that it should have been. "Because Dustin was annoying you?"

"Did they just tell you that now?" Michael responded, dropping his bag in the middle of the floor and kicking his shoes off to sit beside Jeremy at the head of the bed.

Jeremy shook his head. "Group chat." Michael groaned.

"Seriously?" he asked. "I haven't been on there since Wednesday. You know they've been hounding me about where you've been. It's fucking annoying but it's cool they care. Did they all message you?"

"Yeah," Jeremy nodded. "Rich and Christine texted a lot. Jake texted on Rich's behalf as well."

"Have you told them anything yet?" Michael inquired. Jeremy shook his head. "You probably should," he pointed out. With a nod, Jeremy went onto the group chat and began typing.

 

_**NEW MESSAGES** _

_**\---------- _ **\----------**_ _ **\----------**_** _

**HeereIAm**   _Today at_ _5:20 PM_

hi

_Dick Goranthki, JakeyD, Juliet Who? and I'm Lohst are typing..._

 

Jeremy looked over at Michael, who wore an incredibly amused grin. He made brief eye contact with Jeremy then quickly grabbed his laptop from his bag and opened Discord, button mashing on the group chat so that he was typing as well. Jeremy shoved him and Michael laughed loudly.

 

_**NEW MESSAGES** _

_**\---------- _ **\----------**_ _ **\----------**_** _

**Dick Goranthki** _Today at_ _5:20 PM_

hOLY SHIT UR ALIVE

AND HEADPHONES IS TYPING TOO???

MUST BE A CHRISTMAS MIRACLE

 **Juliet Who?** _Today at_ _5:21 PM_

JEREMY!!!

And Rich Christmas already passed.

 **Dick Goranthki** _Today at_ _5:21 PM_

we don't need to get into the specifics

 **JakeyD** _Today at_ _5:22 PM_

hey jeremy !

 **I'm Lohst** _Today at_ _5:23 PM_

hi jer!!

where have u been

 **Dick Goranthki** _Today at_ _5:23 PM_

o yeah that

 **JakeyD** _Today at_ _5:24 PM_

lol

 **Juliet Who?** _Today at_ _5:24 PM_

Wow, Rich.

But yeah Jeremy are you okay?

 **HeereIAm** _Today at_ _5:24 PM_

yeh

had a stomach bug

 **Dick Goranthki** _Today at_ _5:25 PM_

...

so bad that you couldn't answer a single text?

 **Player 1** _Today at_ _5:25 PM_

he had cramps lol

 **HeereIAm** _Today at_ _5:25 PM_

stfu

 **Player 1** _Today at_ _5:26 PM_

make me :P

 **Dick Goranthki** _Today at_ _5:26 PM_

save it for the bedroom guys

 **Player 1** _Today at_ _5:26 PM_

oml he just went so red

 **Dick Goranthki** _Today at_ _5:26 PM_

yOU'RE ACTUALLY WITH HIM RN????

 

Michael chuckled and Jeremy threw his phone halfway across the room, burying his face in his hands. "Why do they always act like that?" he groaned, flopping back.

"Like what?" Michael asked.

"Like we're a thing," he responded, looking over at Michael and pulling the hood of the jumper over his head to cover his eyes.

"No idea," Michael shrugged. "It's pretty funny though."

"Maybe for you," Jeremy mumbled. Michael nodded, then looked back at the text. They had all moved on to something else entirely, and Chloe had sent a brief message about being glad that Jeremy was back. With a small smile, he shut his laptop and placed it on the ground beside the bed.

"You feeling better?" Michael asked, lying back against one of Jeremy's pillows and shutting his eyes. He heard the sheets shift as Jeremy moved.

"Kind of," came the response. "It just ... it gets loud. It's always loud."

"External stuff?" Michael inquired, rolling onto his side and opening his eyes so that he was facing Jeremy, who had apparently done the same. "Or in your head?"

"Both," Jeremy mumbled with a shrug. "I think that thing fucked up my senses. I never had vision problems and now I just get moments of being basically blind in between everything being even clearer than before. And my brain picks up on every little sound and it can get really annoying."

"That sucks," Michael said. "Sounds like some sensory overload stuff. Please let me know if it happens? Give me a sign or something?"

"Sure," Jeremy nodded. "I'll ... tap you on the wrist. Three times."

"And if that piece of shit computer comes back again?"

"Five times."

Michael grinned and Jeremy smiled back sheepishly. "So..." Michael began, sitting up. "Apocalypse of the Damned?"

"Fuck yeah," Jeremy cheered, getting up. Michael watched as he stood, glad to have gotten somewhere with this whole situation. In all honesty, he had never expected Jeremy to come out of the Squip-thing unscathed. In a way, he was surprised it wasn't worse. But, he got his best friend back, and that was more than enough for him.

* * *

"You ready?" Michael asked. It was Monday morning, and he and Jeremy were sitting in Michael's car, parked in the school's parking lot but neither making any move to get out.

"As I'll ever be," Jeremy sighed. He didn't go to stand up though. He stared straight ahead and his nails seemed to unconsciously find the back of his hand and start dragging across the skin.

"Hey," Michael said gently, reaching across to grab Jeremy's wrist. "None of that. We're gonna go in there and you're gonna make the biggest comeback since Fall Out Boy."

"Debatable," Jeremy deadpanned. With a heavy breath, he opened the passenger side door and Michael did the same on his side. As they walked in, Michael leaned slightly closer to Jeremy's ear.

"Remember the signs," he said quietly. "If there's anything at all. Hell, I don't care if it's because you see a Mountain Dew bottle. Just tell me. Okay?" Jeremy nodded, not looking at Michael but still smiling a bit. Michael beamed and threw his arm around his friend's shoulders, then they both headed to their lockers.

They weren't expecting the welcoming party.

"JEREMY!" came a shout, then a 5'5" blur with a red streak dashed by and launched themselves at Jeremy, clinging on like a baby koala to its mother. Jeremy staggered under Rich's weight but didn't let him drop, just awkwardly waited for him to get down.

"I missed you the most!" Rich insisted, finally letting Jeremy go. "Don't let any of these fuckers tell you otherwise."

"Please," Chloe scoffed, crossing her arms and jutting out a hip. "You come third in that race at best."

" _What?_ " he demanded. "Come on. Second!"

"Fine," Chloe sighed. "Second. And nothing more." Rich sighed and Jeremy scratched the back of his head awkwardly. Michael walked over and slotted himself next to Jeremy, not giving anyone the opportunity to move either of them. After everyone had greeted Jeremy and made sure he was okay, everyone pursued their own conversations. Christine animatedly told Jenna about a musical she had just found, Rich and Brooke were talking about something they had done over the weekend, Jake was casually leaning his arm on Rich's head (if anyone else tried that they could expect amputation) and Chloe was on her phone, half listening to Christine. Michael glanced over at Jeremy, who had remained silent.

"All good?" he asked. When Jeremy didn't immediately respond, Michael subtly rested his hand against Jeremy's. He felt three light taps and instantly excused them to go to the bathroom. When they were inside, Jeremy took a minute to breathe before straightening up again.

"Sorry," he mumbled, blushing and gripping his upper arm through his cardigan sleeve.

"Nothing to be sorry for," Michael insisted. The bell for homeroom went, so the two set off to the classroom.

Maybe things would never be like they were before. Maybe there would be bad times. But there would also be good times.

Maybe Michael would welcome the change.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me? actually finish a multi-chapter fic?? its unheard of guys don't get used to it
> 
> also listening to bob ross videos makes this whole process a great experience
> 
> i'll probs end up writing more bmc fics and i already have some for other fandoms so go check those out if u want
> 
> thanks for reading !!


End file.
